Teeth

I know the original intent of this was to talk about actual stuff like games and films and things of actual interest but I just can't let this go. Of all the things cursed upon us as a species (childbirth, facial hair, feet) the most loathsome of them all is bloody teeth. They're a fundamental design flaw. I don't remember the last time I had to brush my shins for fear of them rotting away to useless husks, forcing me to wheel myself around a trolley and have small children grab their mothers in fear as they pass by crying "Mummy, Mummy what's wrong with that man?" to which the mother would reply "Well clearly dear that man didn't spend enough time BRUSHING HIS LEGS!"

Having to brush your teeth is like having a crap job. There's no real benefit to doing it other than if you don't a bunch of bastards turn up and repossess your face and leave you looking like a fucking cartoon witch.

It's not that I'm advocating toothlessness, after all who'd want to see Cameron Diaz with no teeth. No-one. It'd be a nightmare scenario where suddenly all attractive women take on a disturbing resemblance to your nan and even worse your nan would now look similar enough to Cameron Diaz that she might try a crack at dating again. No, of course not, it's just that I'd prefer a more low-maintenance but ultimately nice-looking option that requires absolutely no input from me other than possibly a rinse-out with magic water that tastes like Skittles.

Obviously those of us that slip in this constant vigil against mouth demons are inevitably thrust at the mercy of dentists. Dentists are people that would have become doctors but couldn't stop tutting long enough to hear what was bloody wrong with anyone. Instead these ghoulish mouth-quacks have chosen to spend every working minute with one of a plethora of spikes, scrapers, drills, clamps or saws in another human being's face. There is a fundamental concern surrounding people who are drawn to the profession. The same way that people appreciate that undertaker's or clowns exist, they serve a purpose but you wouldn't necessarily want one in your house while you were asleep.

Anyway, that's enough for now I'm off to brush my ears so they don't rot off the side of my head.